♥ yingielicious

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2010-07-25T21:11:00.001+08:00

I must be the first person on earth to do this to my ndsl.. I swear I did nothing.. Just close the ds only then the whole edge broke.

Sob.. There goes my paycheck.

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2010-07-15T21:36:00.001+08:00

Like suddenly, I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I don't understand how I end up in this stage, this job, what I've gone through. Mind can't think. Trying to run away by sleeping but I can't fall asleep.

It's so hard to live up to the expectations of others when you don't even know where or how to start. I had never ever seen a professional audit work before. All I did was to refer to last year's working paper but boss says that's not enough.

Is this really the end of the career that I yearned for so much? The career that most ACCA students hope for? It's going down....

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2010-07-09T10:38:00.001+08:00

Party @ dolly

2010-06-06T21:32:00.000+08:00

Poor picture quality, cause sent via mms. Too lazy to connect USB to phone to extract nice pictures.

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2010-06-06T21:13:00.002+08:00

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2010-06-05T20:46:00.001+08:00

Just received my certificate!

Cousin's wedding was quite successful.. Except at the last part most of my cousin's relative cried..

Reached home at 4, slpt till 7, going party at 9..

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2010-06-05T09:40:00.001+08:00

Cousin wedding! On the way to groom's house now!

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2010-06-04T23:30:00.001+08:00

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2010-06-04T23:26:00.001+08:00

Boss talked to me today. There's one assignment lately and I totally screwed it up with my carelessness. I just cannot draft a perfect report.

Drafting a report is an accountancy work. And the reason I became an auditor is because i'm not meticulous enough. Why am I still stuck in the same path and feel awfully dejected when boss catches my careless mistakes?

A big audit firm doesn't need to draft reports. hais..

But flowers from bf sent to my office made my day right again :)

Specs

2010-05-19T21:11:00.001+08:00

Bf hates me wearing specs. Why is he so superficial??

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2010-05-18T16:22:00.001+08:00

Today, somebody asked me for directions to parklane's singapore pools. Lucky her..

And today, one client called and scolded me, well technically the company. They received a bill from IRAS but they send it to us. And subsequently they didn't pay and got fine. Why is it our fault? Boss doesnt want to handle him so i'm abandoned in that battle. Unlucky me.

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2010-05-17T20:43:00.001+08:00

my leg is disfigured by mosquitoes bites.. feels like i'm having measles or chicken pox..

why is the mosquitoes bites bright red anyway?

Photos

2010-05-16T22:09:00.003+08:00

Photos taken before movie Ip Man 2 at PS on wednesday.

Please do not remind me I have a fat face :(

Swim!

2010-05-16T22:00:00.000+08:00

I realised that i have a very cynical view when it comes to insurance dealer. Quarrelled with bf regarding this issue last night.

Anw, went swimming on sat. Anchorvale swimming complex is really 100x more fun then normal neighbourhood swimming complex. Minus Jurong one lah! That one got wavepool leh! Got lazy river also. How to compare.

I did swim leh! I know how to swim already! But I get scared when I know I cant reach the bed and my strokes get messed up and I get frantic. Else, I will have no strength to finish the whole course and not enough time to breathe lah! I can only manage short distant like half a competition pool. Then pant like a mad dog.

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2010-05-11T12:12:00.001+08:00

Have been smoking less than 5 sticks per day. Work time smoking is a hassle. And office doesn't have partition.. Afraid that colleagues will shun me because of the smell. Real reason is i have to go to the first floor to smoke.

Guess sooner or later i'm turning into social smoker. Told mummy and she was really happy.

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2010-05-09T12:18:00.001+08:00

We look so shag. I assure you we both look much better in real life. haha!

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2010-05-09T11:54:00.001+08:00

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2010-04-23T08:28:00.001+08:00

People always perceived that auditors are always asking them for smth or asking them to do something. Truth is that work is done by you. If I don't ask you who else should I ask?

Got into a conflict issue whereby the accountant didn't do it correctly. Ask us not to tell her boss but in the end she complained abt us to her boss.

My previous boss always ask me not to take it too personally, especially as an auditor. But still, it'll ruin my mood one mah.

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2010-04-21T10:27:00.001+08:00

I think NEL has the most number of downtimes. It's 10.30 and I'm still not in the office. Help me. So many ppl snatching for buses and cabs.

I'm so lost.

Assignments

2010-04-18T15:24:00.000+08:00

I've accepted an assignment for my old company at Paya Lebar despite working full time at Bugis. Had to rush out the assignment after my full time work on wkdays and full saturday. Finally I've finished. The assignment earned me around 20% of my monthly pay now!

See! From now onwards it's like totally money grabbing and nothing else. Everyone is just trying to get opportunity to earn money money and more money.

From now until I retired, no rest for me. Just like everyone else anyway.

Bittersweet Symphony lyrics extract:

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Trying to make ends meet
You're a slave to money then you die

But anyways, I feel so grown up lah! Having a main job and a side line! haha. but that's only for one week. Duh.

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2010-04-12T08:48:00.001+08:00

Why are there somebody's who's so good natured (eg bf) and some so bad natured (eg me)?

Made bf angry last night. When I'm sad and all emotional, he doesn't leave me in the lurch.

Had nightmares abt murder and death again. All those murder articles I read before was in my dream. Including the huang na at pasir panjang. Hais. Had a hard time getting back to slp aft that.

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2010-04-11T23:12:00.001+08:00

Who else can I talk to?
Who else understands?

I don't know if it's me who shuts everyone out or everybody is shutting me out. Either ways, I feel lonely.

It's my life. I'm still going to answer for it no matter how tough it is. Maybe just complaining my life stinks or fml once in a while.

I feel really alone. Who to turn to? Nobody really cares at all. I don't feel loved.

My new job

2010-04-11T13:24:00.000+08:00

And so, I got a new job at Middle Road. Abit apprehensive about my future. What is it going to be? This is not a child's play anymore. I'm going to sign a 2 years bond with them.

Tomorrow will be my last day at Paya Lebar.

Mentally Stressed Out

2010-04-05T23:35:00.000+08:00

I'm freaking stressed out with finding a good job. I end up drinking everynight.

What a shame.

Tell me what's the use of getting a good qualification? What the use of being clever in studies? Every interview I attended, they all said I'm clever. But then again, the only interviews I was being invited to are all small firms. And eventually I will end up rejecting them.

I know I am smart. But what's the use of being smart in examinations only?

Today, this interviewer manage to digged up my ugly truth in secondary school because unexpectedly, he took my whole certificate file from me. I didnt expect him to do that, so I didnt take out all the 'Tak Glam' comments made abt my rebellious seconday school life. And Ta-Da! Exposed. He end up commenting that I'm spoilt but of course, in a very nice way. Sometimes, I really hate myself to be the only child. It just shapes my character right from the very start. Who should I blame? That idiot man, perharps.

You know, today when the interviewer asked abt how old my dad is, I kept quiet. Because I don't even know. Then I end up telling him they are divorced. Everytime when I go for interviews, I keep answering this question. My voice would tremble and it really makes me feel like crying. It's not that I miss him or what. It's just that I feel so abandon and small suddenly. And I feel so heartache for mummy. Obviously, I also feel that mummy did a great job by raising me up and now I'm all grown up trying to get a job. I feel very touched. Everything just makes me feel like crying.

The Hard and Ugly Truth

Job Interview Tmr

2010-04-04T23:20:00.000+08:00

Got a job interview tmr. Hopefully the prospect is not too skimpy or small. I really do wish to join a big firm cause i had enough of small ones. It's not that I'm superficial or what like what my boss always hints me.

Once, they ask me to go for attachment in IMM for 1 mth. considering that I stay in SK. they must be crazy lor. The journey would take ard 2hours leh! then i rejected her. then she say things like if u join the big firms u also have to go to tuas area blah blah one mah. Then I told her but they give me higher pay than here what. Then she said things like if u only think that way u wont go far. And told me to mark her words lah. The way she said it wasn't like those joking or nice preaching type. It's totally like 'Walao Eh' type.

But that happen quite sometime ago lah. Then the recently, they had an intern girl coming in for an interview. Then she was like saying it out loud to another boss 'You see ppl know how to think. She wants to go into a small firm so she can learn more because in big firms it's more speciallized. She's so sensible, not like those ppl blindly want to get into big 4 audit firms. ' I dont know how people interpret it but i take it as an insult to me. I did what I always did best lor, ignore her and carry on with my own stuffs. Sometimes, she just dont give face one. Blabber and blabber non stop. Since last time until now.

Last time, when I just started accounting with them, she can call her friend right beside me and say to her cellphone 'Eh I just got a new girl. But her learning curve is very slow leh. How long usually does the learning curve takes ah?'

Until finally one day I buckle up and do things real fast. But then they already gave me the sack already. Just serving my one month notice which i fight for. Cause I went for this holiday, then right when I come back that very night, they called to say they dont need me anymore, dont even need notice period. Until i emailed and called MOM to fight for 1 mth notice. But anw ah, after that buckle up incident then they decide to give me a performance bonus.

Why are they like that?

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2010-03-31T13:47:00.001+08:00

We're locked out of the office. Went for lunch and boss and we forgot to bring the keys out. And now she wants me to pay for the locksmith. Locksmith doesn't have the master key so he'll have to change a new lock for us. And it bloody cost 35bucks. More than half of my day pay is gone.

Why is my life so miserable? Kept on paying for things that i shouldn't? I'm so broke. Age 21 and not even a 5k to my name.

FML

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2010-03-30T21:54:00.003+08:00

test emailing blog!

I just discovered I can do blogging with my mobile via MMS! and since missy me have unlimited free MMS......... I'm so excited. I'm so gonna blog about every small things!

SAF with laptop

2010-03-30T21:51:00.000+08:00

Today, I saw a very funny scene. Call me sterotype or what but it's really a rare sight.

I saw this guy wearing SAF uniform. I think they call it the number 4. The green camo one lah. Then he was carrying a laptop with him. Being a sterotype, I always think that army guys have big muscles but pea sized brain. Oops!

Just finished another futile job searching. Company today has already signed an employment with a uni intern. Guess they will be sending me off real soon. And I got to know that they have posted advertisments on jobs site already and tomorrow will be their last selection day. Hais!

It all started because I have this extremely good offer but small company. And I told them about it and they thought that I was going to join it for sure. But who knows after their 'psychoation', I rejected it. Mummy and bf called me stupid, saying my boss just want me to stay for cheap labour. :(

Back after a break

2010-03-28T18:21:00.000+08:00

Im back! after a 1month odd break. But i haven't been skiving lah. was so busy with work. any free time i'd dedicate it to drinking already. well well....

I still haven't found a job that suits me. to think that i rejected the offer with high bonus. i must have been out of my mind. But sometimes, you'll have to be patient to acheive bigger things right. and more sacrifices.

Job hunting is so idiotic. because getting a perfect job is pure luck! Damn!

Nice bf stood by me all this while. saying things like whatever decision you make, i'll always support you. Then can I just dont work? and you support me financially? haha.

Anyway, I'm still bothering about if i should go for the ACCA graduation ceremony. It will cost me at least $500 for registration fee, rental of gowns, buying photographs. ouch! for nothing leh... just a few pictures for keep sake. Should i or not? My study group of friends didnt manage to pass everything this time round. So I am the only one who received the invitation. So I will be so lonely there because I dont know any body there. Except for mummy & bf lah. I can't think now. so stressful........ :(

busy

2010-02-11T22:36:00.003+08:00

so godamn busy with work and stuffs. been feeling abit weird lately. but i always try to numb myself with work and force myself to push those wierd feelings aside.

hmm... it's really strange.

The Scientist - Coldplay

2010-01-17T22:36:00.003+08:00

The Scientist - Coldplay

Come up to meet you,
Tell you I'm sorry,
You don't know how lovely you are

I had to find you,
Tell you I need you,
Tell you I set you apart

Tell me your secrets,
And ask me your questions,
Oh let's go back to the start

Running in circles,
Coming up tails,
Heads on the science apart

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start

I was just guessing,
At numbers and figures,
Pulling the puzzles apart

Questions of science,
Science and progress,
Do not speak as loud as my heart

Tell me you love me,
Come back to haunt me,
Oh when I rush to the start

Running in circles,
Chasing our tails,
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
Oh It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start

Totally sounds like what me and bf just encountered. except that he doesnt think im lovely. he thinks im unreasonable.

one quarrel after another. and it's all because of the same thing. chasing our tails. as it says.

im working

2010-01-14T22:28:00.002+08:00

i went back to the kaki bukit employer whom i was working for in yr 2008. they've since then moved to paya lebar. it's a hetic lifestyle cause i will have to work until almost 8pm everyday. and no OT pay. pay is very low. somewhere ard 1k to 2k only. but i dont mind. i dont take it as work. i take it as i am spending my time learning more things. getting myself familiarize with accounting. i might not be able to touch on accounting after my career starts to kick off. but first. let me find a nice job which i like!

i've already make known to them that i see this job as a temp only and i'll be sending my resume whenever possible to find my ideal job. they are cool with it. and everything is a fast deal. i got re-employed by them within 1min. but one mth notice period. anw, they have a new girl coming in aft her bonus somewhere aft cny. just nice, many ppl will be leaving aft they got their bonuses. so it's time for me to go and replace them then!

i went for my first interview after the exams. and it was totally horrible. the place is located at one of the nightspot in orchard. i shant say where. but there's alot of whores and nightclubs below. and the office is so old can! dont even have partition.

my interview is fixed at 4.30pm. i reached 5mins before 4.30pm. the lady gave us a stack of old old testimonies and trackbook to read through. very old can! the pages are tattered and torn and paste back using scotch tape! and it's dated 1998. O!M!G! cant they promote a better first impression? and the partner interviewed us personally. they dont have a HR dept.

kick off by him asking very personal questions like who else are there in ur family. i said only my mother and I. then ask abt my dad. ask about when they divorced. few or none interviewer questioned abt the divorce time. but nvm. i still can take it. cause im a friendly girl.

and then he start to tell me abt the scope. it's not what i wanted at all. theirs is a inbound accounting, advisory. audit only takes up 30% of their income. i understand his point when he says you can learn alot by advisory. but since i am still young, i would like to take this chance to really dig my head into work and stay up till 3am just to work and wake up and start working at 9am the nxt day. i've heard so many tiring stories from friends workin in audit firm and i really wanna strive now since i am still young and energetic.

but the interviewer is such an unfriendly guy. i'm not sure if i am too paranoid or what. but aft i told him frankly that this company is not what i am looking for, nice talking to you, he turn around to face his monitor, which the computer is at the back so the monitor is facing me, meaning he backface me. and start to do his work. abt 2s likdat, i say, ok so i'll see myself out. and went out of his office. idk y i feel that he's kinda rude. well, just my opinion.

2cents worth. when u're going for an interview, dont be quick to suck up to the company. they are shortlisting you, and you are ticking your own checkbox about them too. open up urself and know clearly what you want. this is gonna be my first long term perm career. the headstart of my career. i want it to be nicely done.

boring

2010-01-12T00:04:00.001+08:00

i'm super duper ultimatum bored! i'm been loafting around since dec 2nd week after my exams. absolutely nothing else to do! im bored like shit now. i cant manage to get a job as ext auditor. been 1month odd already.

i'm sure a failure................................

xmas 2009, ny 2010

2010-01-05T11:56:00.005+08:00

spent my xmas at ecp quietly with bf. so opted for a rowdy ny countdown at clarke quay. countdown'ed at yello jello. they gave out free party pack which includes the light stick aviator specs. haha! that's fun, fun, fun. but i broke my light stick. and spilled some on bf. he gave me THE face..... zz

cant wait for 2011 ny countdown!

most of the pictures are out. cause the place is too dark and my flash is too bright. therefore u cant see my face. hate the LED flash on my phone. why does it have to be sooooooooo........

this (below) looks damn idiotic. like i'm whinning and thumping the table for food likdat! but its funny!

one random day at powerhouse with zac. jan's friends. too bright also! but this is the best i can salvage. still not bad eh. zac still look handsome!

photos @ shebang

2010-01-02T15:01:00.000+08:00

some overdue pictures with shurong at shebang quite ard a wk before xmas.

need help badly.

2009-12-31T08:32:00.003+08:00

i dont know what's coming over me lately. i just couldnt slp at all.

take last night for example. i off the com at 1.30pm approx. lying on the bed and played animal crossing until 4plus am. had a very very scary nightmare. dreamt that 2 person was trying to torture me. it was scary. something then pierce through my stomach and electrocuted me. then i'm fainting. i'm dying. jumped awake in sweat. sms bf but as expected that didnt wake him up. later then i realised that the piercing pain is because of my hungry tummy. i forgot that for the whole day i've only eaten some carrot cake and porridge.

that nightmare was 5plus.

then i managed to slp again. but i had another nightmare close to 8. this time, a very scary voice was telling me "i want to tell you a secretttt..." you know that kind of scary voices which make you scared. then as usual, i jumped awake again. but this time, i heard the door unlock.. footsteps... someone ran into the room.... i scream out loud....

it was mummy cause she forgot to take her wallet and she's late for work.

one may think it is funny. but i believe its human nature to be afraid when something unexpectedly charge at you.

and so i cant slp again after this scream. tried to but kept on crying on the bed for dunno what fuck. i think im still tramautized by it. i need some help............ i'm really fatigue.. i need sleep...

2009-12-23T00:12:00.003+08:00

was happy just now. cause bf was talkin to me on the phone for ard an hour. which is smth he hasnt done for qute a long time.

then aft he hang, i have my favourite drink to drink and a sushi dinner with bf tml which is also smth we havent done for a long time.

i was feeling very fortunate then. but now, so boring already!

xmas is nearing. very soon.....

shall snuggle up on bed and play my ds.

goodnighty!

at home

2009-12-20T21:36:00.000+08:00

i've finally subscribed for wireless service broadband last wk.. using mobile to access blogger..

it's so boring now.. i'm at the living room watchin local tv with mummy.. bf's at dinner.. i wanna go too.. i'm hungry.. got to accompany mummy to go shopping tml.. is that good news or bad?

sorry IS the hardest word

2009-12-16T00:28:00.002+08:00

I mean every single word i say. That's why it's so hard for me to say sorry.

When u start to shout at me, which girl in the right mind can say sorry like she means it? i can't. and it leads to another thing and another thing.

And everything becomes my fault in the end. I'm tired of carrying all the blame... Everytime we quarrel, everything big or small, the blame is all pushed to me. I don't even try to explain anymore.

It just doesn't work out no matter how hard we try. Perharps it wasn't meant to be. We just can't understand each other.

ph

2009-12-13T23:12:00.003+08:00

went ph ytd with jan and her friends. saw a couple groups of sec sch friends also.

didnt drink alot. experienced fun but not because of drinking. a totally different feeling. at least this feeling doesnt make me feel empty when i wake up today.

finally, i feel that i do have friends.

random photos diff days

2009-11-29T18:28:00.010+08:00

one random day at home, getting bored to studying and whipped out my makeup and start to camwhore again.

as you may recall, this is my second time doing this kind of random things at home!

one fine day, quarrelled with bf. ended up in sentosa @ wavehouse with jan! nice ambiance and cheap booze. gonna go back again.

before going to clarke quay yello jello with bf. now yello jello doesnt play retro anymore. all of us are v sad. and the new 'rock' band is haughty and proud. we hate it. bf says the lead singer is flirty as well. urgghhh. but we still have some balance of liquor there. therefore, have to go back again. prolly this week.

central @ clarke quay, billy bombers balcony smoking seat.

been engrossed with nerds and found 2 heart shaped nerds while studying hard for exams.

one random day before going out to mug for exams. w/o make up.

nerds nerds and more nerds.

vivo's riverisland. waiting for bf to try out his shades.

come one fine day, me and bf went crazy and decided to drink beer at 2pm in the aftnn. pictures taken @ marina sq. some irish pub.

shurong celebrated my bf for me. meant to be a surprise. but haha, she failed. nice celebration!

at home preparing to go out for bday celebration.

Lips of an angel - Hinder

2009-11-25T23:23:00.002+08:00

Lips of an angel - Hinder

Honey why are you calling me so late?
It's kinda hard to talk right now
Honey why are you crying, is everything okay?
I gotta whisper ?cause I can't be too loud

Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And yes I've dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me?
Will it start a fight?
No I don't think she has a clue

Well my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
Honey why are you calling me so late?

so why does everybody thinks that this song is a love song? totally dumb.

was lookin super forward to the friday trip to sentosa wavehouse or smth likdat for drinking and the man made wave that jan was talkin about. but period just have to come ytd. and everything is rescheduled. i'm so upset... and now, aft persuading my bf to go sentosa on fri and he finally can excuse himself at night, we have no plans yet. hais.

lately, spent time mugging for exams with xr and all at whitesands library. and tml wil be at compass library. gosh, im getting really sick of the library Galilee cafe's food.

home

2009-11-23T22:54:00.002+08:00

today was a nice day. and tml will be nice as well. cause mummy is on leave for today and tml. it's such a nice feeling to have somebody at home when u wake up.

this is then the so called home.

i feel so blissful and happy today. and best of all, i didnt cry.

forgot to mention. today, i went to withdraw money from an OCBC teller. then it says 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY'. so sweet lah! i end up smiling to myself aft that.

birthday

2009-11-15T01:26:00.003+08:00

sr surpised me again on my 20th bday. i didnt know that celebrating bday at the pub was so interesting. you get wishings from familliar and unfamiliar faces. haha. i think on my 17 i was celebrating at a boatq pub also. but then i didnt feel so lonely. its until this bday that i thought i was alone. that's y i feel so blessed to have ppl wishing me happy birthday.

this bday wasnt a good one at all. from bday eve, i've been crying my eyes out. until the day after my bday. i just feel really really depressed. i even resort to going to the void deck on bday eve and countdown by myself with some beers. and smsing myself happy birthday on midnight. how saddening is that? and somehow disappointed with bf. i expected him to do more. but he can't. not that he doesnt want to. anw, he has also promised to celebrate my bday after the actual day. im waiting..

seriously, i used to like my birthdate alot. 13 nov. tot 13 was a nice number. but now. no. i hate my birthdate. i wish i can change my birthdate. but how to change smth after having it for so long?

tonight, sat night wasnt spent at clubs or pubs or drinking. went for a nice run with xr at compass. and immed after i reached home and bathe, i cant walk properly at all. haven been running for at least 6mths. but its good to sweat. hopefully sweating everything out so my tears gland would dry up or what. haha.

i cried so so much until my eyes were so swollen and painful. until then i understand how come some ppl can get blind over crying too much. needa get over this depressing period soon. small things seems so significant on my birthday period. that's y im so sad until i cried so so much. nv in my life i felt so small and invisible. guess its just part and parcel of growing up.

grow up hailey! welcome to reality!

sickkkkk

2009-11-11T22:50:00.003+08:00

i feel terrible. i can feel heat emitting from me.. yet, i am so damn cold now and i've sneezed at least 5 times already. am i getting sick? oh no!

i'm having runny nose too. why all bad things come in a bundle one har? why not good things?

anw merchant court is full on friday. so no more merchant court for din din on my bday. hais...

where tooooo?

no tears

2009-11-10T23:25:00.002+08:00

hurray, i did it without crying. i left my temp 3 mths job without crying. but maybe its because its only 3 mths. or maybe its because i have alot of things to do now. I haven got a day with nothing to do and staying at home for the whole fucking day! I've either been out for shopping or movies or studying at airport or pasir ris.

still prefer airport cause i get to eat popeye's mash potato. but i prefer the environment at pasir ris. why cant popeye just open a branch at white sands?

sent my resume to mummy's friend. but i'm really lazy to go for an interview IF. if lah..

mummy says she took leave on fri to celebrate my bday for me. so i actually wanted to go shangri-la for lunch or dinner buffet. but mummy doesnt know how to go. so in the end we settled for merchant court. then bf says he'll bring me to shangri-la instead.

mummy's always so good to me.

on my 16th bday, she got me a diamond ring
on my 17th bday, she brought me to former stamford or former westin hotel for buffet lunch
on my 18th bday, she bought me a purple gold diamond neckalce
on my 19th bday, she signed a 10 course facial package for me
on my 20th bday, we are going to merchant court!

last day

2009-11-01T22:15:00.003+08:00

pictures taken in office's lift.

bf's away at reservist for 2 more weeks to go. my last day of work is tml. how to survive like that? i always get so sad and emo on the day before the first day of work and the day after the last day of work. i will feel so dammit bored and useless. feel like i have to depend on others when i'm so big already. bf always tell me it's ok since u're studying. you're still young..... hais..

but how he's not around to psycho me leh. i think i might just cry.

anw, idk why nowadays i look so fugging fat in photots. bf says dont look so fat one leh. i look nicer in 3d. he's such a consoling bf. lol.

bf wouldnt be ard for my birthday. sad right. his reservist end one day after my bday. and aft his reservist he'll be tired and cant meet me. and probably due to some personal reason he cant find time to meet me. he has so many things on his plate now. where to find the time for me? just ytd, he sms me saying he's going for meeting in camp or what. then i replied. how come go reservist or work u always have to go for meetings. hais............ busy man...

2009-10-25T15:58:00.002+08:00

Been down at east coast and pasir ris for wkends. drinking beer with bf.

i'm in no mood to blog. wanna carry on with my storybk in my fictitious world.

time constraint

2009-10-22T22:28:00.002+08:00

not blogging because i've got no time!

previously was rushing to get my OBU report done. then to tie up loose ends.

gonna amend my resume now to prepare for nxt year! loving it!

not enough time for thesis

2009-10-04T22:36:00.002+08:00

im so stucked. i cant finish my thesis. its due on nov and i still have 2.3k more words to go. after the thesis i still have a skill and learning statement 2.5k words. i cant finish! it sounds so impossible.

the best i can do is to print out and look through it during my lunch time and edit using pencil. hais. cant someone help me? i'm stucked for ideas.

i love my bf

2009-09-27T15:59:00.004+08:00

me and bf went for a us-only getaway again!

this time is more fun and exciting because it's for 3 days and 2 nights. i've just came back from the trip. and now im so used to him already it feels really weird without him around. god, why do i love him so much?

we could have went to the wild wild wet during the wkends, but my lousy perioud has to come this wkend. and it's the fast and furious type! it finished over the wkend! damn. why cant it come one day earlier?

phone is sent for repair, so no photos taken by me. only a couple in bf's hp. and he finally found his nachos cheese mix in ntuc. and he keep staring at the cheese while waitin for the shuttle bus back to downtown and he's acting like a happy baby. he claims that he's the happiest man on earth to find the cheese. haha.

the shuttle bus to downtown is really bad bad bad. we had to wait since ard 6 to 7 plus. the timing of the bus is so damn off. unless you really have alot of time to waste, dont take the shuttle bus! i feel so sad then. cause we wasted so much time sitting at the taxi stand waiting for the shuttle bus. it was sunny at first, then red clouds, then red clouds disappear. imagine how long we've waited for the bus! bf went for reservist on fri, and so his muscles and back ached. so we cant walk. and he wanted to drive down to whitesands but i manage to convinced him to take the shuttle bus. it was a bad bad idea of mine. hais.

anw, mummy told me she went for wedding dinner at msia ytd. it's her colleague's wedding. then idk y she's still not back home yet. when i called her phone, it's still overseas line. did she went to stay at ah ma's house on the way? so not used without bf around. and worst still, im alone at home. and 'wors`er' still tml is monday and i have to work and school after that! this wkend past so so fast. i tot it's friday night we just checked in then suddenly it's sunday evening again?!

p/s. bf seems convinced that whatever i hold in my hand spoils. from hp, to even zips on bags. :(

i need a superman

2009-09-20T22:17:00.004+08:00

im super duper bored now. but luckily tml is a public holiday. but i'm still having sch tml aftnn.

time seems to past so slow. how come my 3 mths contract is still not ending. only 1 half mth past.

work is not fun anymore. i dont like the what-went-wrong-where type of work. it's so boring to find out what some bug affects and answer for other ppl's mistake. worst of all, i hate to communicate to strangers.

skin has been rather bad these days and i went to work without any make up on for the past wk. everything is so dull now.

i need something to perk up my life.

anw i bought a samsung jet less than 1 mth again and it died on me one day. suddenly i cant on it anymore. i tried charging it but it doesnt helps. so i went to the service centre and try to bargain for a 1 to 1 exchange. but they dont have the stocks now. so i have to wait for 3 weeks. and my warrenty won't be extended. why why? then for this 1 mth that im not using the phone, aint i wasting the warrenty?

amusing morning

2009-09-08T22:23:00.003+08:00

feel so darn tired early in the morning, but everything seems better at night.

i dont even feel tired at all. and it just keeps rolling over. and i get more and more tired in the morning, and i reach workplace 5 mins later than the day before everyday!

first, i left home at 7am everyday. then after than became 7.15am. then now! its 7.30! haha..

even i am amused at myself.

not working tml, because shurong is having her ROM tml. yes, u saw it right. do not ask me funny questions like why shurong didnt throw a banquet. or is she pregnant?

nope, she's not. apparently, she and her bf went to a fortune teller and let him take a look at their birth times, date and everything. then the teller says that the bf HAVE to get married this yr, otherwise, other yrs would'nt be as good as this year. so, they decided to settle down now. immediately! and since its such a fast & furious decision, they doesnt have enough savings yet to throw a grand banquet. of course u need a grand one. because ideally you only get married once in ur lifetime. so they both decided to save up the money now and throw it 1 1/2 yrs later.

so that's about it.

i still have not changed totally my perspective about marriage. that's the job for bf. but then, since shurong's rom is tml, lets not even start talking about this.

short points

2009-09-01T22:45:00.003+08:00

quick points.

-passed my tp. bf let me drive on that night from old airport kpe to home. and all the while he's shouting to me 'keep to ur lane!' ................. because he says i am a left-right-drifter. not that i overtake ppl, it's that im in my lane, but abit towards the left or right.

-passed my acca exams. left with 2 more modules, exam in dec.

-quarrels with bf abt the same old thing always. he keep saying hurtful words leh!

-cousin's wedding is confirmed at june. but it's on a monday cause sat no slots. so they wed on sat but dinner is on a monday night. im so envious.

-feeling really emo lately. i suddenly like the feeling of travelling on a bus and looking out, listen to slow songs. and forget about talking to anybody. jus my own time.

-found a hornet nest stucked to my window one day. scream my lungs out and bf bravely removed it for me. feel super disgusted. the mud hive is so hard and dry already. must have been there for quite a while. say 2mths? i cant believe i slp with a hornet nest so near to me everynight.

-a very long time ago, before i finally decide to trust love again, bf gave me a super big hello kitty. i think its bigger than me. but it's so big until i cant hug it to slp. so, i just leave it lying between me & mummy's bed. our beds are joined side by side btw. what a pity i cant hug it to slp.

-still drinking at least once a week. either at clubs or home.

-excited abt shurong's rom. 8 days from now. woohoo.

long while

2009-08-19T23:10:00.006+08:00

it has been a long time. just finished work and school. been busy lately with my OBU presentation which is on monday. but i haven even start writing the lines yet. i just did the ms powerpoint only. god, why is it so troublesome. cant i be some genius and last min pop out something interesting to present my powerpoint?

sipping martell at home again. today's humps day. because the nds game, animal crossing, the tailor says that. and it kinda make sense since wed is like middle of nowhere. that's why humps day!

2 days ago, monday blues. then i was on my way to work, mp3 jumped to the song manic monday. awww. the lyrics are so true. and it make me grin on the mrt. haha.

will be abit busy lately and abit not busy lately. aiya, i cant make up my mind.

i'll be going to the supermarket with bf on friday night.

then we're going to a getaway near ecp for the wkends.

then monday is my darn presentation after work.

tues i'm off but i have my driving lessons in the aftnn.

wed i'm having my feared tp at cdc. after that bf says he's on the guestlist for butterfac. he said he choose that day cause he 'knows' i'll pass my tp and its a celebration.

thurs i'll be going to work and hopefully with a big grin on my face beacause i pass my tp.

and friday prolly out somewhere drinking? i hope.

thinking about who's the bf? not now. will reveal in due time.

btw, i wore specs to school and classes today because my eyes hurt! not as bad as i imagine what. at least my eyes feel better. who cares about the appearances when its the window to the soul that u're playing with. somemore its the eye which had a real bad infection before.

and i have to change my mobile handset before 10sept. you see, my viewty touchscreen died on me. the handset didnt die. but the touch screen is totally impossible. so if i cant use the touchscrn. the handset is like totally useless. and i let it rest for at a wk. then finally, it worked. but now the batt runs super fast.

like full batt, then suddenly low batt, then increase to 2/3. then drop 1/3. lol. and my batt is bloated already. gotta change it real soon cause the freaking peanut voucher that starhub gave is only vaild until 10sept. but i dont have a clue what phone to change to. lg phone is pretty but its not durable. nokia phone is fat except for the n series. but e71 is already a year old phone. i dont like sony and samsung. how how how. why like that?!

pleasure

2009-08-11T22:50:00.000+08:00

sometimes, just a simple 8 letters word can give u a fatal blow.

urgh..

2009-08-10T00:13:00.003+08:00

been to clarkequay and zouk for the past 2 days. smth like rewarding myself for a wk of hard work juggling school and work at a so-faraway place from home.

having sch tml and sec school gathering for dinner.

curry today was lousy. i dont even feel like eating.

and i hate draggy stuffs. im in a very sian kinda mood now........ off to bed.
nighty

confessions of an alcoholic

2009-08-05T23:11:00.003+08:00

nah, im not an alcoholic. i just cant live a few days without alcohol. be it beer or liquor. as long as it gives me the feel..

day1 without drinking (sun):
went for my fav mac shaker fries, then to compass to meet up with sr and brought veg home to whip up dinner.

day 2 without drinking (mon):
first day of work. after work i still have sch. very tiring. fell aslp in class twice i think. and i even sleep-write. i scribble something while i was nodding off. so slp immed aft i reach home, bathe and dried hair.

day 3 without drinking (tues):
hmm. in the office, i tot i smell some alcohol ard. oh gosh. this is just the begining. after work i was at ecp for hk dinner. reach home at ard 9plus. slpt at 10plus. because i was damn shag already. i even slpt in the car for a few secs on the way home.

day 4 without drinking (today):
gosh. im having a very bad temper. i get pissed over small things that someone elses says. i get very sensitive over my colleagues actions. i'm thinking too much. had school today as well, but not tired cause i slpt early last night. i think i have the energy to go mambo tonight. but im at home sipping martell neat. finally.....

tired little me

2009-08-03T23:26:00.002+08:00

i got myself a job at tiong bahru. its so damn bloody far. all thanks to the RE agency. he knows im living at sk and yet he gave me an offer at tiong bahru. what's worst is that he told me it was at tg pagar. then aft that i went down aft everything is confirmed. then he told me its at tiong bahru. i said, eh thought u say tj pagar? he says tg pagar and tiong bahru very NEAR only. hais.

now im stucked there for 3 mths. the company isnt good at all. they are not friendly. i mean, i shall let it rest if there're not friendly to me. but they dont actually socialize in the office one lor. they dont go out to eat lunch together. they buy back and eat in the office. its only left with me and the other 2 temps to eat at nearby canteens. and during office hours, they dont walk ard for break and talk cock to each other one leh! it's like.. so strictly work and work.

so not used to it.

btw, im studying and working full time now. so i have classes tonight and wed. tonight class isnt that boring at all one! but i still manage to fall aslp. i dont know how to pass my wed class. that's a full boring theory paper leh! everytime wed go i'll be wearing clubbing attire, ready to go drink. but now suddenly feel so bored.

it's all about the money money money that i have to go and work for. urghh.

i'm so tired now. waiting for hair to dry so i can slp. well, almost! nighty!

mambo jumbo

2009-07-30T22:36:00.008+08:00

my nails broke lah! broke ytd when i was finished at zouk and got tipsy and started to hit my friend. haha. then when i'm at my hse downstairs, my friend pass me the broken nail. and i actually bring it home and put at my table!

so interested in mambo dance nowadays. i know how to do "you came, and change the way i feel" and i'm PROUD of it. HAHA!

the nail that broke off. it look as if the whole nail broke off but no! cause i love having ridiculously long fingernails. this is just the white part of my nail.

and some outdated pictures taken at fly with my friend's friend.

randomly feel like taking pic while waiting for friend.

marriage

2009-07-29T00:48:00.002+08:00

after not cutting my nails for 1mth plus, it finally broke. but not all of it lah. just a slight cut at the side. it gets irritating when i shampoo my hair cause strands of my hair will get stuck in the cut. i still can salvage it by apply thick layers of nail polish thou.

mummy just told me that my sis's bf just proposed to her with a big diamond ring! btw my sis as in my cousin. i'm the only child in my family. but i'm just so close to her so i jus call her 'jiejie'. i'm like seriously so happy for her even thou i dont trust love. they've been together for quite sometime already. my sis is shorter than me! maybe ard 155? then the bf i a freaking 180+ i think. our family always call him giraffe behind his back! even if they look totally incompatible, they are so in love lah! during new year, the relatives always refer him so the future son-in-law. so sweet.

i have a feeling that i'll cry at her wedding.

anw today i've been to the national library for the 2nd time this month. i have a freaking thesis to do due in nov. but now its more or less done already. jus that i dont know how to contine anymore. molly call it the writer's block.

been crazy about drinking like i always did. but i hardly go fly anymore. friend fell out. and too many drunk stunts that i did at fly and i'm too paiseh and feel ma lu to go down. but say only lah. if got chance to go st james i'd still go as well.

fedup with gathering replies

2009-07-17T00:48:00.003+08:00

i'm kinda pissed by confirming who is attending the gathering. some people just dont get straight to the point. they avoid the question totally, after repeating msging in fb. then seriously, what am i supppse to do? pretend that u never exist?

its so bloody obvious lor! i saw this new wall post to another person 1min ago. then i pm this person in fb and i dont get a reply. not once leh! like twice or thrice. going bonkers.

and there's this bloody sucky incident at stj ph ytd. i wanted a jug of plain water as a mixer. the waiter standing at the bar is stupid!

heavy dinner!

2009-07-04T16:10:00.003+08:00

the nxt day after i had kuishinbo for dinner, i had laksa & chicken culet & 2 rolls of popiah for dinner!

i feel like im being stuffed with food. haha.

fattening fattening fattening!

happy life-y

2009-07-01T15:36:00.002+08:00

went fly again ytd. and they were having a promo for me to join as a member for a mere 200 instead of usual 300. then cause if ob gets a new member to join, he'll get one bot vsop for free as a referral gift. then 200 is almost the price of the vsop!

so i'm now offically a proud dragonfly member.

i know lotsa ppl probably doesnt like fly. but who cares! i like it there!

gonna dine at kuishinbo tonight! 4 hrs more. so looking fore to it lah! muahahahhahahahahha. life still treats me gd after all.

wrong wrong wrong

2009-06-28T22:20:00.004+08:00

everything is going so wrong leh! im so so confused and messy.

always saying and doing the wrong things. hais.

the 3rd one

2009-06-24T22:43:00.002+08:00

im so used to being the 3rd one by now and i am not even feeling a tad guilty already. and by mentioning the 3rd one i mean i wasnt the 3rd party but was misunderstood.

something like paranoid gf who thinks that smth is going on between me and her bf.

once, i asked a friend to hang out at the voiddeck late at night. then the gf saw the sms and my friend even had to call me up and clarify things with her listening.

why wouldnt ppl believe that male and female can be pure friends? why is it that the perception ppl have when a couple hang ard in the void deck means smth? bullshit.

the only male friend who doesnt invite rumours and gossips is bai. bai & i are so bloody close that we can even say gdnight, love ya. it's those 'chun chun' pure friendship that can last forever.

i am lonely and i need friends! too bad they are all hard to come by. can i buy them instead?

oh yes, ob says he's going down to fly. i wanna go too. but im having car prac lessons tml aftnn, and ob is not going to leave fly until 6am.

lousy! feeling damn lousy! when ur friend is enjoying and you cant. stucked at home with the bloodyass com.

several random stuffs

2009-06-23T22:32:00.002+08:00

lately, i've been seeing alot of moths ard. is it just me or?

been drink drank drunk lately because that's supposedly the easiest way to past my useless time. and maybe because i am only either alone at home or at cdc. that's y incidents at cdc are surprisingly funny and interesting.

and. one of my gd friend is not speaking to me anymore. he says that because i wont be with him, so he doesnt want to talk to me anymore. i really dont understand. why cant male and female be just gd friends? by doing this, he just created a sore loser image in my mind. women are hard to please and understand. bai says that just like men doesnt understand women, women doesnt understand men too. so true. what is going on in men's mind?

reminds me of an old incident.

once, i had this very gd girl friend. we were quite close together. took alot of neoprints together. then she had a boyfriend who was my ex. then finally, one day the guy told her that he still have feelings for me. but that time i didnt know abt it. then suddenly she doesnt talk to me anymore. then i think i ask our common friend, then she told me that her bf broke up with her because of me. that's y she doesnt want to talk to me anymore. then after that i stray away from tt bunch of friends and got into bad company. then quit school.

i think i've added her in friendster when friendster just started and tt time she didnt talk to me already. and she didnt accept me lah. then, its like... broke off all connections already. wasnt able to find her in fb now.

really miss her alot. alot of times i flip thru my photo album and saw the whole whooping 2 pages of neoprints. i wonder how is she now. i ask my ex abt her. he says that she saw her once in town and dont know rumours from where says that she's not straight anymore. i hope she's really alright.

we're gonna have a gathering soon for sec sch. i didnt see her getting tag in the group photos taken from sec sch. so im guessing she doesnt know abt the gathering and noboby else have contacts with her anymore. i wish i could see her in the gathering.

anw, abt the bad bruises on my leg. it's not getting any better cause i dont put zambak on it. i hate zambak! i dont know why its so hard to waste it off and it leaves my leg sticky! i tried using soap but it doesnt get off! i cant scrub it real hard cause its painful. urgghhh....
that's why my bruises is not getting any better. it's like a permanent stain there.

cake baking

2009-06-18T22:55:00.002+08:00

i failed my cake baking again. well, to be honest, my cake always doesnt look like a cake. it looks like a mudpie everytime. but this time, better already! just tt too moist and too sweet.

i've asked bai already! nxt time less egg can already! yay. hopefully.

damn im bored now. dont know what should i do.

i've got myself a creative zen mx. and im hooked on watching videos on that tiny 2.5inch screen in the dark on my bed. it's super super bad for my eyesight. but it just tempts me, induce me to do that. i've been watching bleach on that mp4. downloading the file is not really a prob using bittorrent. but transferring the file using the creative centrale software is really a big headache. first, they have to convert the file to a .cmv format. as far as i know its not a really common format right? converting takes a v long time. and it lags my com as well.

well, i dont know if its my com old already or....

bleach normally is 25mins per episode. minus the starting and ending songs, the episode is only 20mins. then converting and transferring takes at least 1 hr, i think. see what i mean!

painful exp at fly

2009-06-15T18:20:00.003+08:00

i've finally been to dragonfly after so long. went there with old bird & his friends ytd. i was scuttling ard the whole place as usual cause i was drunk. what's worst is there's this lady, whom i dont know from where. and she brings me ard and ard, tables to tables like as if i was a bar girl. haha.

i lost my pack of cig then. half empty. amounts to sgd5. lousy me.

morning woke up with a shock. bad bruises on my leg and backside painful! i think i fell down alot ytd. damn. there's at least 4 obvious blue-black on my leg. its so ugly!

ob says that i bang into chairs. and i think he mentioned ytd that i fell down.

urgh...

i'm thinking what to tell mummy. she'd be pretty sure that i was abused by some guys. SH tells me that i should tell mummy that i drink and got drunk, cant stand properly and knock into chairs. rubbish! lol.

exam's over

2009-06-11T00:21:00.002+08:00

exams are finally over. but now, i suddenly feel so lost. like as if i've just quit working or what. like suddenly i dont have a goal in my life anymore. nothing to do. horrible.

i need to go to the library soon. i need books to numb myself.

the fear

2009-06-02T00:34:00.003+08:00

pigeons invaded my lrt station today. i saw 2 pigeons at the station while waiting for my lrt. luckily, one was at the very top, and the other was at the rail tracks. i was so very frighten and i jumped a big jump whenever they flip their wings, gonna fly. people were prolly thinkin im KRRazy.

i'd go a big detour if a cat or dog or pigeons is standing in my way. i dont mind that, really. say if im walking on a pavement beside the road. then a cat or dog of pigeons come along, i'll walk on the road. tested and proved before already. tt's why i always say, if one day i die, it's surely the fear that caused it. damn these animals.

oh yes. mummy cooked chilli crab on sat night. i pricked & cut my finger while eating. i'm so damn gd at eating crabs. -.-

airport studying

2009-05-27T01:05:00.004+08:00

the whole group of us were chased out of tp. total 5 of us. and 3 of us got caught and escorted out of tp. hence, we cannot study at tp anymore.

me & xingrong studying at the airport, t3 foodcourt.

loves,

tiring.....

2009-05-21T23:38:00.002+08:00

i hate facebook's farm town. because my crops keeps getting wasted cause i didnt harvest it on time. the main problem is that i cannot anticipate when i will be coming online again. and i invested all of my money into the seeds. then when it all goes wasted, i have no money left!

tiring days spent studying and drinking. i've totally master how to drink on the first night and wake up to study at tp ard 1pm. COOL. anw, going to and fro tp is a chore. it's absolutely so near but i have to change 3 buses to reach tp. then, usually on my way home, i dont changed the last bus. i walked approx 3 bus stops home! after a long day of studying somemore!

my room is totally messy now. filled with stacks of books, loose papers, clothes. arghh..

oh yes, my 3 exams is on consecutive days and the 1st exams is at acjc. it's totally so far away from sengkang. i expect the journey time to be at least 2 hrs. so, on the first day, my exam will end at 6.30pm. then i'll reach home at 8.30?! and the 2nd day paper is the paper which i sucked at most.

i hate exams. but who dont?

bestfriends

2009-05-14T01:06:00.004+08:00

the latest wkend was spent drinking drinking drinking at boatquay for consecutive 3 nights. but not all three times were hardcore drinking.

me and bai on friday. one of my best best long time friend.

once, i smsed xr if he's going to study outside because i dont wan to stay at home doing nothing. then he's going tp to study the next day. then he replied me "then u better go and slp so tml i can bring u to tp". from tt sms onwards, i proclaim him as one of my best friends. haha. he's so brotherly lah. so my wkdays were all spent at tp with xr and phil. not so bad, with xr so funny and phil so muscular. LOL

tp's food is cheap cheap and cheap! but because it is cheap, so its not so very nice lah. drinks were totally diluted ones. eg the Ribena.

stucked in a moment, & i cant get out of it

2009-05-12T23:15:00.004+08:00

it's funny how 2 people could be all lovely dovey and good together. then the next day, they just turn a blind eye to u. blocked u in msn, deleted u in facebook and prolly the hp too. just pretend that the person doesnt exist at all? how is that even possible?

which of it is real? humans are the most complicated animals ever. too clever and hence, too evil.

i know it will be over soon. grind my teeth and get over with it.

LIFE

2009-05-10T17:11:00.002+08:00

totally oh-so-stupid. enough said.

i'm going down for a walk. had enough of coping at home!

send someone to love me

2009-05-07T23:41:00.003+08:00

Robbie Williams - To Be A Better Man

Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain

Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel Im getting old
Before my time

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord Im doing all I can
To be a better man

Go easy on my conscience
cause its not my fault
I know I've been taught
To take the blame

Rest assured my angels
Will catch my tears
Walk me out of here
Im in pain

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord Im doing all I can
To be a better man

Once youve found that lover
You're homeward bound
Love is all around
Love is all around

I know some have fallen
On stony ground
But love is all around

Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain

Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel Im getting old
Before my time

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow
through this pain
Lord Im doin all I can
To be a better man

I had a nightmare today. i dreamt tt one of my teeth has fallen out. in that dream, i found out that my 'back' teeth were getting loose. i used my tongue to flick it and suddenly, woosh. the teeth fall out. and my mouth were filled with blood. the taste and smell of blood were so strong and real. and so, i googled what it means to have that kind of dream, since dreaming of falling teeth is so common.

some says that it means u're concern or worried abt appearance. some says it means someone close to u is in bad health. some says it means wealth is comming because of the toothfairy myth.
well, i keep having weird dreams often, so im not really bothered by it. but im going buy some lottery tml. haha.

this morning, i woke up with nothing to do, no where to go. this is the first time in 1mth. and im so not used to it. i woke up crying and in a super bad mood lurh. i just cant get used to the not working life at all even after so long. for the coming wks until mid june, im suppose to be at home studying everyday. which means tt i'd be waking up with nowhere to go and nothing to do everyday. shucks! then wouldnt i be in bad and sobby mood every morning? HELL NO!

i've painted both my toes nails and fingernails midnight blue. it's a nice colour and smell from anna sui. it's one of my prized possession! but midnight blue nails feels like as if i've been poisoned. well... pink still makes a better nail colour.

Leonardo da Vinci exhibition opens on May 16 at science centre! (link)
I AM SO GOING!

mummy is my best friend

2009-05-03T22:45:00.002+08:00

when everything elses fails, i still have mummy with me.

i'm been really bored this few days. i have no reason to go out, and my small circle of friends too. nobody i could ask to go out with me to do anything except roaming ard with no reasons. finally, i had to persuade mummy dearest to go shopping with me today.

i'm not actually allowed to go shopping cus mummy barred me from swiping her card unil i got my car license cus she sponsor me for the car lessons and tt was the only conditon. so, technically speaking, i havent been out on a spree since feb end near may start.

mummy is like my friend when im shopping. except tt i dont really have to care abt money. mummy is SOOOO mummy. she would buy me a 40dollars shoe but dont bear to buy it for herself. silly mom.

oh yes, shoes. i realised i have a bad habit of shopping for shoes. when my recently bought heels havent been seasoned yet, which means i'll still got blisters while wearing them, i bought a new pair of heels. muahahahaha. im infatuated with heels! prolly because i'm too short. -.-

btw, i sneeze in public today! haha. then i was joking with mummy that will everyone quarrentine me? there's no crowd at orchard. it was totally like wkday mood. sg is too scardy cat lur! i saw it on the newspapers tt day that mask was out of stock already! SO FAST uh!

fast paced

2009-04-29T23:07:00.002+08:00

sch's going to be out in a wks time. then comes exams. then i have to focus on my thesis writing and car learning.

i feel like everything is coming too fast this yr. it's not tt i have no time or what. i have plenty of time. but, everything is happening way too fast.

weather was fbad previous few days and i said bye to the hot weather with alot of pimples on my face. im having a very very bad skin now. gosh. and now, the weather is like the extreme. suddenly it rains, then it's scorching hot.

urgghh. it's affected my hair too. i'm going for a haircut tml aft my sch. cant stand it!

ping pong beetles

2009-04-22T22:36:00.002+08:00

i used to be afraid of beetles. whenever a beetle flew into my house, i'll turn the house upside down by screaming, hiding, running or jumping. however, ytd night, i found a beetle in my air-con room! i open the window for few mins and i dont see the beetle anymore. this morning, i heard the beetle again, half aslp. i was like... freak! just get out. dont disturb my slp!

so a day passed. tonight, i found another beetle in my room. i think its the same beetle. and im so annoyed that this same beetle doesnt leave me alone. so very annoyed until i wasnt afraid of it anymore! my eyes followed the beetle. hand searching for a stack of papers to ping pong the beetle out of the window. my plan was ready to be executed. the beetle flew near the window. suddenly.... i dont know where it went. i lost it..

fuck the beetle. it'd better not come to me again. i'll make sure i'll smack it down from the 17th floor to the 1st.

woohooo

2009-04-20T22:26:00.002+08:00

im in a so good mood now. lotsa factors contributed to it. but basically, because i've just changed my shampoo. and this new shampoo smells so damn freaking nice. and it makes me smile while i bathe............ -.-

it smells like peach and orange. idk. but when i read the contents, it says papaya, starfruit, blah blah. but basically, i feel so fortunate when i am shampooing lah!

these few days, i've been rushing to and from sch and cdc. well, i wanted it tt way. so that at least i'd be kept busy and wont be thinking too much. then aft this mth, i have NOTHING scheduled for may except 3 days in the first wk. tt's because..... exams is coming! and phil's msn nick has to remind me that exam is 43 days away. gosh....

and oh yes, abt cdc. i've been advancing very very slowly in my practical lessons. i'm totally not gifted in practical lah! or rather, im a practical idiot. other ppl who is learning at cdc, they went out on the road either on the 2nd or 3rd prac. but meeeeee! i went out on road only in my 4th prac. omg omg i'm a freak. SEE! i shouldnt have learnt driving. i could have spared myself from this agony. yet, i pay to suffer.

first lesson was fun. i feel like i was FLYING.
but comes the 2nd, 3rd lessons. i feel like im DYING.

happy family

2009-04-13T23:09:00.002+08:00

around 5 yrs ago, when i just moved to sk, i had 7 people, including me, living under one roof. my auntie, who i'm v close to, moved in with us. ever since my birth place which is at hg ave 8, she has been living in the same blk as us.

at hg ave 8, i was living at 7th flr. she lived on the 10th.
at hg ave 2, i was living at the 10th or 9th flr, she lived on the 6th i think.
when we moved to sk, she didnt want to live at hg as well. and she moved in with us while waiting for her flat at punggol to be ready.

it was fun. having alot of ppl living under one roof. my auntie was a home maker. so everytime i wake up, i would have my lunch or breakfast waiting for me. and she'd always cook dinner. home cooked food. it was so nice. everynight, my cousin, whom i called her sis, would slp v late. i had someone to watch late night tv with. so perfect. but then, i didnt cherish it. i stay away from home. i dont like home. i like my friends more than my family. i sucked, at that time.

it has been 3 yrs since she moved. im missing it alot. i dont like to wake up alone. i dont like to wake up with nothing to eat. i dont like to watch late nights telly alone.

i like to wait for anyone to come back. say, if sis went shopping. then she'd come back, show and tell me what she's got. my male cousin, whom i also recognise as my bro. he was in army at that time. every morning, say 5 or 6, he would sit in front of the door to tie up his boots. that scene is still so familiar.

my home doesnt look like a home. it just looks like an empty shell. nobody would come in through that door. last time when my auntie's family was living with us, she would leave the door open to allow wind through. now, no more. we hardly open the door. even when some advertiser or what who knocked on the door, me or mummy'd just tip toe to the door and peep at the person through the peekhole.

isolated. empty. that's the word.
i wan a family with warmth. where can i find it in this life?

heartfelt thoughts.

2009-04-07T23:44:00.003+08:00

how do i start.

lately, i start to realised what's wrong with me. i actually found out that i am but a selfish character. often, i wouldn't put myself in other's shoes and understand their situation. through talks, things that happen and some thinking, it was true.

shurong called me and explained smth to me today. plus a lot more of other big and small incidents. and text conversations with D regarding 'why i feel so lonely' makes me feel that i am actually waiting for ppl to give but i am not giving.

lastly, a relationship that i dont wan to say. it makes me realised that i am so selfish. i didnt put myself into his shoes and think. if i were him, i wont juggle everything as nicely.

conclusion is that. i am selfish, taking things for granted. and that includes taking my friends for granted. alot of times, i've been wondering. how is it so that i have only a small circle of friends? as in really close friends that u can go out alone with. i am such a failure in handling relationships. be it bgf or friendships.

shurong has been a v nice friend to me throughout all this. even though sometimes i didnt call her for a long while. during cny period, i didnt even call and wish her happy cny or similiar. yet, she still will call me aft cny settled and swear vuglarities at me demanding y i didnt call her! haha. if it was other ppl, they would have left me.

i feel like crying while typing out all this. but nonetheless, i'm still glad for that mini bunch of friends ard me. and that i am lucky that i know what's actually wrong with me. the whole root of the prob starts because i am the only child. and mum has been doting and fussing over me a whole lot. i get mostly anything i want.

no! i am not blaming everything on my past nor my mum nor the way i was brought up. i am just blaming myself for taking things for granted.

I LOVE MY LIFE, EVERYTHING.
AND SO, I WILL CHANGE. HOPEFULLY.

one more thing. i've just tried out facebook's 'when will you get married' quiz. and bloody it says 45. imagine at the age of 45. will i get any kids then?

but to a certain extent, it was true, somewhat. my dream guy actually existed on earth, and not in storybooks or on television. but however, they are all taken. say handsome, for example, he's married blissfully. so, after knowing that my dream guy do actually exist, how can i settle for the second best? i must find the guy that TOTALLY matches my criteria. and i dont tolerate any flaws in the relationships.

and i dont like the idea of having kids ard the house.

next point is. during the last drama serial on channel 8 9pm. when the 3 housewives got their wedding photos taken again, looking so happy and everything. i accidently looked over to mum. she look so sad and tired. at that point. i swear that i dont wan to get married because i dont wan to leave her alone and myself happily to another guy when she herself dont have a happy marriage. i know she'd probably want me to have a happy marriage on the outside but i believe that all humans are selfish. esp when it's she who gave me life. i want to be with her forever.

one day, me and mum talked abt her office neighbour boss's daughter who just got married because she was preg. then i told her. if i got preg then i dont get married. i stay with u. then when the child grows up, i'll tell everyone she's my sister. how about that? she just said i'm crazy. haha.

dehydrating

2009-04-05T18:04:00.002+08:00

i'm so pissed off now. urgh..

anw, im losing liquid in my body in any forms u can think of. menstruation, perspiring, runny nose. this is bad bad bad.

nightmare!

2009-04-01T22:19:00.004+08:00

i had a nightmare. a horrible nightmare. it's about somebody telling me smth. but i cant rem the details. basically, i cant rem what the person tell me also!

and i woke up with a bad tummy ache and had diarrhea.

haha. i am not an animal. i dont get scare-ed and shit 'green shit'.

but still, so funny. haha.

oh yes, and it's april fool today. i didnt think that ppl still do april fool jokes. but my school has it! handsome told us that somebody pass on sms saying that a certain module had an important handout to collect at the office. in the end, alot of ppl gathered at the office trying to get the handout. which was really nothing at all.

and handsome also says that the lecturer of that module is very sad. haha!

shed the old me

2009-03-31T16:43:00.004+08:00

if you are wondering how come the above image looks not like me at all, and in fact, it looks abit bitchy. well, tt's because i wan to shed the old goody image of me. that's if i have any.

no, i am joking.

one fine day, i woke up super early with nothing to do. put on my heavy eye makeup and choose the best tube dress and snap away. then put on my earpiece and started dancing my aftnn away.

it's too bored. desperate time calls for desperate measures.

i'm so free

2009-03-29T23:09:00.001+08:00

leave the studying problem aside until year end.

I'm so free this week. i only have to go to sch on wed. and i dont have anywhere to go. so boring!

dilemma

2009-03-25T22:34:00.003+08:00

im in a big dilemma. it's regarding my studies.

ok, the begining of my story is that i am 20 yrs old by year. most, or should i say all of my friends are working already. i feel like the odd one out studying. fine, u say that all my friends are usually older than me what! but even when i meet my pri sch friends tt day, everyone that i asked is either army or working. and i was so glad when i got my results. which means that i only have 1 yr left. that is after 2009 i wont be studying anymore. i'll be out grabbing money. i'll be getting a hons for applied accounting from a uk uni. and acca qualification, which all accountants should heard of.

BUT

suddenly, i was thinkin of not to stop at just an hons. maybe i should get a master deg. i've read the brochure from SMU. SMU is a singapore approved uni right? not another private sch. i should be eligible if i finish my acca and get the AA(hons). should i or should i not? the course lasted for 2 yrs. and it'll cost mummy round off 30k. say, i'll be already 22 by year? by the time i get my master. i have to tahan not working when everybody else is confirm working already! it's not for a while. it's a freaking 2 yrs.

i know, some ppl would say: aiya, dont let this peer pressure hinder ur future. ok then this pressure aside. what use can a woman have with a master deg when eventually, she'll have to give birth and look after the kids? maybe i can be more powerful than most ppl when im 22-30. or maybe 35. then after, i have to really look after my kids.

this is a headache.

what should i do?

changed the title

2009-03-23T23:14:00.004+08:00

i've changed the blog heading from 'there's nothing serious about morality, all is but toys.' to 'once the dust settles, it's all back to reality.' both were quotes from story books. the first was from The Five People You Meet In Heaven, second was An Absolute Scandal. both are very nice books. but sadly, i've finished both.

anw, i've been seeing handsome for classes out of 4 days, which is ( 4days X 24hrs ) 96 hrs, i see him for 12 hours. that's an incredible 12.5%. lol. i'm getting crazy over a mere 12 percent. haha. ok then let's exaggerate the number abit. say, we slp for 8 hrs a day. let me cancel out 8 hrs a day.

In 4 days, i have (96 - (4days X 8hrs)) 64 hours awake. and i see him for 12 hours. tt's 18.75%. round off to 20%!

summarising it. in a day,
i sleep for 8 hours,
i dont see handsome for 12hours 48 mins and
i see him for 3hours 12 mins!

HAHA. GOD! KILL ME.

anw, i had my pri sch gathering on 21st. actually, i left kinda early. WY was talkin abt drinking at bq. i've actually 'on' him. but aft idling at the pool/billiard at parklane, i became so tired and sick. so i went home. which i was lucky to have done so. because when i got home, i feel so sick that i took my dear thermometer out and it was 37.6. limps felt sore and tired and skin felt so thin and even i think tt clothes were too rough for it.

it is a historical moment. i've nvr been outside if i had a fever. normally, i'll feel too weak to even walk. but this time, i manage to do it. haha.

abt the gathering, i'd say it's a disaster. it may be very bad for me to labelled it likdat. but we dont have the faintest idea where to go what to do. the next gathering, i'd suggest that we meet up for dinner or what. and then full stop. tt way, we dont have to stand ard in a circle ard alot of corners in a shopping mall, looking awkward.

silly girl in my silly world

2009-03-19T16:33:00.002+08:00

this few nights was horrible. i had to drink coffee, which i usually hate alot, to keep myself awake in class. hadnt been slping well for 2nights.

the first night, i was thinking of smth else. then i keep waking up every few hours. couldnt really fall deep into slp.

second night was the worst. i was really tired aft not being able to slp well the previous night. slp rather soundly. had a few dreams and suddenly, mosquitoes bite me. i woke up at 5plus am, couldnt take it anymore. had 5-7 bites on my legs. and 2 on hands. totally horrible and it wouldn't stop itching! i had to apply cream on it.

after than, i tried to slp. damn stupid mozzie bite my face. real itchy. but by then i was really worn out. too tired to care.

DAMN. i hate the weather now. perfect for breeding mosquitoes. and ytd evening, i saw a huge lizard. it was as long as my hand: palm plus finger. mummy said she wanted to put the lizard trap to catch it. i told her not to! nowadays so many mozzies ard. having a lizard at home is good. but no! she didnt listen to me. she had to put the trap in the morning and scaring the poor lizard away and make mosquitoes happy and came to bite me.

BRO LIZARD, PLESE COME BACK AND EAT THEM!

look in my life

2009-03-18T22:26:00.002+08:00

mumy took a day off specially to attend the OG member's preview sale. then at 1pm, she came and lunch with me at waraku tepan on the ground flr of my sch.

sadly, i think she wasted her off. she said that it was too crowded, too messy. i thought all mothers have experience in that? esp in the markets!

oh so lonely

2009-03-16T22:15:00.002+08:00

woke up feeling damn lonely today. sound so wrong right! but dont get the wrong idea.

so.. it's like. a very long time ago since i had this kind of feelings.. waking up to an empty house plus the feeling that nobody even care what time i woke and everything. nobody cares what i does. nobody would even know if i died at home or what.

a yr since i felt this, to be precise. a yr ago, i was busy with the exams to think so much. then working. and then had myself a bf. and stop working & prepared for the exams. i woke up either having somewhere to rush to, something impt to do, or to have bf smsing me early in the morn. which i feel was rather comforting.

no more of this. nobody hardly even seriously care.

oh, part and parcel of life.

me time

2009-03-12T22:37:00.002+08:00

i've having a bit of 'me-time' finally. i've just passed my BTT today. and because its nothing to be proud of as ppl were saying it is difficult to FAIL it.

but i badly wanted to celebrate it. so, im having a mini celebration on heineken with myself for myself.

sounds cool?

rainbow connection

2009-03-11T22:20:00.004+08:00

that tcm herbal medicine seems like too strong. after having the runs for abt a wk. then nw, im having constipation!

actually, that's nt quite the case. its just tt i dont have the time to stuck my backside on the toilet bowl and wait. i've been a really busy girl this wk. busy with shopping and btt.

and yup, my btt is tml.

please pretend u nv see that. 99% of the ppl will say that btt is so easy. but precisely because 99% of the ppl say that, im afraid that i might really fail. its nt tt i take it for granted. it's just that what IF i fail. where will i find the face to face everyone.......

and one mre thing which i cant figure out.

why must the place where we hang our clothes be near to the kitchen? i dont seem to be able to find an ans! i hate it so much. it always leave some of my home clothes smelly with cooking fumes. argh...

did i forget to mention. the 6mth long relationship has ended.
it's a begining of a new world after all, again.

beautiful song.

Rainbow Connection - Kris Aquino

Why are there so many
Songs about rainbows
And what's on the other side
Rainbow's are visions
They're only illusions
And rainbows have nothing to hide
So we've been told and some chose to
Believe it
But I know they're wrong wait and see

Someday we'll find it
The Rainbow Connection
The lovers, the dreamers and me

Who said that every wish
Would be heard and answered
When wished on the morning star
Somebody thought of that
And someone believed it
And look what it's done so far
What's so amazing
That keeps us star gazing
What so we think we might see

Someday we'll find it
That Rainbow Connection
The lovers the dreamers and me

Have you been half asleep
And have you heard voices
I've heard them calling my name
Are these the sweet sounds that called
The young sailors
I think they're one and the same
I've heard it too many times to ignore it
There's something that I'm supposed to be

Someday we'll find it
The Rainbow Connection
The lovers, the dreamers and me

riding to vivo

2009-03-10T23:08:00.003+08:00

today was fun. shurong promised to go out shopping with me before she went into navy. so here, today, we went to vivocity. she 'rode' me there on her sp. so fun! hadnt been on sp since a few yrs ago.

went shopping with a thinkin in mind that i must get some slippers and 'ballet' shoes. but instead, i got 2 irrelevant shoes. and few apparels. argh..

then, aft i came back, i'm suppose to remove my makeup. applied the makeup remover on face, then wipe with a tissue. THEN. its so black! so so black. like as if i've put eyeliner on my cheeks. damn scary.

me so happy today.

recovering

2009-03-06T18:38:00.002+08:00

I've taken chinese med for my diarrhea. and yes, it really works.

today, i only went to the loo twice to poo poo.

but like they say, 良药苦口, that 3 packets of powder was really hard to swallow. first packet was mix with a cup of water. only then i know how horrible it is and i took a long time to finish the whole thing. then the second one, we got cleverer and mix it with only with a quarter cup of water and brown sugar. then the 3rd one just a mouthful of water so i can easily finish everything in a gulp.

thought i could go clubbing tonight. but no peeps going. then i cant make it on sat night too cus i have to go to cdc for my trial test on sunday morning. this is such a spoiler. if i cant tahan then maybe i'll just skip the etrial test. haha.

something went wrong somewhere

2009-03-03T23:32:00.003+08:00

i think smth went wrong in my small intestine. as we all know, food goes to the stomach, then the large intestine, then the small intestine, then out. In the large/small intestine, somewhere, water is absorbed from the 'food'. but i think tt part of me is malfunctioning.

i've realised that almost 2hrs aft i eat, then i'll go to the loo.

then if i dont eat for a few hrs, nothing happens. i dont go to the loo.

this thing is killing me. stomach just keeps on turning and turning. like as if i can feel the food from my stomach to my intestines. then some mild cramps, then rush to the toilet.

record breaking 7times ytd. and today, until now 5times. :~(

poor tummy

2009-03-02T22:20:00.003+08:00

i feel so sorry for my stomach.

i've been having diarrhoea for 3times within 10hrs. v bad one. everything is so watery! yucks!

ate the medicine already. the small small alot alot brown ones. i think its called poh chai wan. but no use ah! eat already but within 2hrs off to the toilet again.

the worst part is, the milk in the fridge is expiring in 2days. the norm is, if u are having diarrhoea, dont drink milk and eat cheese. but i cant. i have to finish it! if not it will be wasted. argh shit..

complicating

2009-02-27T23:19:00.000+08:00

so very messy

life under 20

2009-02-24T23:02:00.002+08:00

i've sent my resume to this co who needs a once a mth book keeping. my exp and qualification is good. but however, on the phone, he says that he's afraid tt im too young and might be indecisive abt work and what's not.

in the end, im really not going for the interview. but of cus, i'm going to inform him. and pray hard at home that he doesnt think im joking ard with him.

reason for me not going to the interview already is that his is a soho office. he works in a condo unit. and in turn, i have to turn up at his condo unit for an interview. i've discussed it with mummy and she says it is dangerous and she'd rather i forego the mere pay.

i've encountered alot of problems with being a 'too young' accountant. most of the time, clients doesnt trust me. lets say u have a company. would i rather hire a 35yrs old accountant or a 19 yrs old accountant?

then everytime, my boss would joke abt me. whenever we met up with a client, she'd tell them, hey look, my staff is only 19yrs old. luckily she doesnt says that im not capable.